dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
