this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
