I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize