doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
pray to the hookup gods
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
