she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
