my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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