but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
