Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
