I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
FUCK WHALES
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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