Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
