fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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