So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize