Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
