So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
