u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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