i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
