you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
