So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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