Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize