im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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