just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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