Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
