You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
