i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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