I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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