Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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