Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
