Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You need Xanax blowdarts
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
