i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
