$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Randomize