well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
