I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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