I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
