Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize