she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
