update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
