I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
