The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
