True but thats because hes a fetus.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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