he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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