he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
