At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
