Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
