More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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