My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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