im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
