Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Randomize