does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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