She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
from now on my penis is your penis
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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