I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
