I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
