Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
