I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
