god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
