All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
