does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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