i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I have demons in me.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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