Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Randomize
