apparently the secret to your success is patron
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
