I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
