this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
