i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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