You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
