you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We need to get me chipped asap
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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