just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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