Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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