Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
