is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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