She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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