I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
