I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
