Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
