Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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