hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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