new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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