If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
