I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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