she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
