can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
