i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
