Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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