Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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