My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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