i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
