chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
