So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
