I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
