I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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