I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
