Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
