I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
