why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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