She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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