i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
