Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
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