I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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