why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize