The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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