We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
