Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
