Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
