my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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