Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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