My nipple is on Facebook.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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